“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can’t control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.”
That’s from the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, one of the great figures of Stoicism and someone who’s name was often mentioned when I introduced myself, because he’s also one of the most prominent people to have the name. I initially was going to go on a massive rant about opinions and the lack of acknowledgement thereof, but just typing it up was enough to vent the worst of it out, so you’ll be spared the vulgar terminology I used. Instead, maybe we’ll try a few less vitriolic musings on opinions.
I’ve always had trouble expressing my opinions; I often felt that I wasn’t allowed to when I was younger, so when I became an adult and was suddenly expected to express my feelings on things, I wasn’t sure how to do it. To this day, I still get the feeling that my opinion doesn’t matter most of the time, which is why I usually just go with the flow when anything happens. As the quote says, getting worked up over something that you can’t control is pointless, so why bother?
It’s different when you’re asked for an opinion that is implied to actually matter; your choices, your decisions, are going to make a difference that may affect your life. But then it turns out that they don’t; you’re just going to get overruled anyway, and this thing that you could have just glossed over and let happen has now gotten you worked up. That kind of thing can put me in a bad mood very quickly, especially if I’ve been inconvenienced in the process, because being thrown out of my habitual cycle can be jarring, even when I know it’s coming.
I have a great deal of admiration for Stoicism, but I don’t think it’s something I could ever fully embrace; I’m far too much of an emotional person, despite the front I try to put up. I come across as relaxed, carefree, oblivious at times, but underneath is a roiling mass of anxiety and fear of failure. I try not to form opinions about things I can’t control, and to get on with my life, but the truth is that I often care too much, especially about things that don’t really matter. And when things do matter… Well, then I’m just straight up paralyzed, because I don’t know if my opinion is going to be correct, or if anyone will even care, and we’re right back to the beginning again.
I guess what I’m trying to say is: I just want to be right about something, to have the correct opinion, and know that my life will be better for it. Heaven knows I’ve had incorrect opinions before, and I’ve changed my point of view many times to be a better person. But even after all that, it’s still nice when people listen, you know?
All this rambling about being heard and acknowledged, when I’m pretty sure the number of people who will read it is pretty minimal; at least I’m getting out of my system. Back to the creative stuff next week.
Ciao for now.