Whoops, a day late again; the day job sprung a buttload of work on me yesterday that I didn’t expect.
Neck update: my neck is a mess. The MRI didn’t reveal any major kind of blockage, so we still don’t know exactly how my nerves are being pinched; as such, I’m stuck with a soft collar brace for the next three weeks to see if I can straighten the situation out with anti-inflammatories. On the other hand, it seems my surgery from 2014 is coming back to bite me in the long term; since the muscle in my neck could not be properly reattached after the surgery, the vertebrae have been compensating for the lack of suspension by twisting in all sorts of fun ways. Long story short, within the next decade or so, I’m likely going to need a spinal fusion when the disks finally wear down to the point of nothing. Ordinarily, it would be something that happens much later in life, but my unique circumstances mean that I’m getting hit with it early. Joy.
I won’t lie, it’s a scary prospect; I’ll have minimal movement in my neck, if any at all, well before I reach retirement age (if such a thing will exist by then). I’ll likely never be able to do regular exercise regimes, so my prospects of getting into shape are becoming more limited. I probably won’t be able to legally drive myself anywhere; I’m sure I’d need special permission to be on the road. If I ever have kids, will I be able to physically keep up with them and do all the things you’re meant to do as a parent? Not to mention it’s likely going to cost a fortune, which is something my starving millennial artist brain cannot wrap itself around right now.
All this and more was on my mind on Monday, when I received the diagnosis, such as it was. It was a depressing few days while I sorted through my feelings, which weren’t helped by the collar brace making me feel incredibly self-conscious. But now that I’ve had time to process the whole thing, I’ve reached the end of the week feeling better about it; I won’t say “positive” but certainly less afraid.
Despite the brace, I’m still able to live my life in much the same way. I can still take care of myself, I can still type, I can still draw; it’s really not that big of an adjustment. Whether or not it will sort out my pinched nerve, I can’t say yet, but it’s still early days so I can’t leap to any bad conclusions either. And if/when I do have to get my vertebrae fused, if having a permanently stiff neck is anything like wearing the brace, I could do a hell of a lot worse. Ultimately, the alternative to suffering through these situations later in life is a small price to pay for averting a death sentence; if I hadn’t had that surgery in 2014, I would not have lived to be where I am today. I would never have left home; I would never have bought my first self-owned car; I would never have met the love of my life and been part of the most mutually loving relationship I could ever dream of for six years and counting. I wouldn’t have had the opportunity for a future.
I am exceptionally lucky to be alive today, and any hardship I have to endure in light of that is worth it for the experience of living.
Though it also would have been nice to have won that cover art competition… ah well.
Ciao for now.
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