Okay, head is above water again, let’s try and take a breather…

So, as you may have surmised by last week’s blog post, things have been busy, and not in the areas I would have preferred. I think I can confirm that my comic hiatus will last through April; I just have not found the time and energy to do everything I want so far in March, and at the rate I’m moving I will need the extra month. I’m slightly disappointed, if only in that I won’t be back to telling my stories as soon, but I have to remember that I’m running a marathon, not sprinting to the finish, and I’m allowed to slow down occasionally.

The blitz of stress from last week has mostly abated; a lot of it was just me overthinking things and worrying too much, as usual. I had been called upon to do some 3D rendering for a work project, which is something I have done at my previous job. However, I’m a little out of practice, and I’m more familiar with Maya as a program; having to switch to Blender was quite the experience, due to the different control schemes. Blender has an option to switch to industry-standard controls, but that just makes learning it twice as hard; I had to find the methods for doing what I wanted in Blender, then find the translations for its industry-standard settings. I did not even consider using the standard Blender controls, because they are just too different from what I’m used to, rusty though my skills may be; it’s like trying to drive a car built for the opposite side of the road, while facing backwards and steering with your feet. In the end, though I didn’t manage to get a full render out before the deadline, I was able to supply enough that the sales rep was happy with the results, which was a huge relief.

While the level of work being thrown at me by the day job is balancing out, there was another little curveball that got thrown my way on Monday. One of the sales reps found a kitten wandering around outside the building and brought him in to keep him safe; why he decided to leave the box in the studio department, I have no idea. Thing is though, no-one in the studio could take the kitten home, because they all own big dogs… except for me.

This is Sparrow. He’s just a little guy.

This is by no means a permanent situation; he needs a place to stay, and while he is quickly winning us over, my fiancé and I have to look at this practically. We are living in a rented space, and our landlord has already made an exception for our cat Silver; we have been allowed to foster Sparrow for a month or so in order to make sure he gets his vaccinations and is in good health. There’s always hope that we will have found a new space to live in by that time, but it’s very unlikely, and we’ll have to give Sparrow over for adoption elsewhere. Of course, we would prefer to give him to someone we know and trust, or even better, have them house him temporarily until we get our new place; we’ll have to see what happens. It also depends on whether or not Silver will accept him, since she’s a very solitary cat and doesn’t trust Sparrow being around just yet; ironically, we’ve been talking about adopting a kitten to keep Silver company when we’re out, but we were hoping to have a bigger space first. Life comes at you fast, sometimes.

So yeah, moods are a little all over the place right now; check back next week to see if we’ve figured it out.

Ciao for now.

Almost the end of the month, and the schedule finally slipped out from under me. No worries, I’ll have it realigned before I take a break.

Yeah, I’m officially running out of steam, but that’s okay; the plan was to take a break from the comics during March, so after I get the last two done for the month, I’ll be doing just that. I don’t know if I’ll upload them on the correct days (tomorrow’s one may only be up by Saturday), but the story will wrap up before February ends. Honestly though, at the rate I’m going, I might extend my break through April as well; it’s a long time to step away from the comics, but it would give my intended social media campaign a bit longer to gain momentum. Plus, there’s a different piece I might work on alongside it at the same time…

At the end of April, Comic Con Cape Town is finally happening, properly this time; I’m naturally going to be there all four days. In the past, I’ve often attended as part of the Artist Alley, but like the last Comic Con Africa, I’ll instead be behind my fiance’s table in The Block, selling dice at The Dragon Wagon.

(By the way, if you’re local and want some cool RPG dice, check out thedragonwagon.co.za, order now, beat the rush!)

I’m obviously happy to be a part of her business, though I do miss having my own table. Not that I ever really turned much of a profit from the last few Artist Alley’s I attended; I’ve never been on the kind of level where I stand out compared to other artists, and buying full comics over art prints is often not in most people’s budgets, not to mention the printing costs. That said, I will be bringing a bit of my artwork along; I had a bunch of postcard prints that I sold through The Dragon Wagon at the last convention that a lot of people seemed to like (by virtue of the fact that they sold out!), and part of my March project is getting more of those done. In addition, there is a little something else I want to work on, for a bit of networking and advertising: my own promotional ashcan zine.

Ashcan comics are great little nuggets that get handed out, often for free, at conventions; they’re usually no more than a few pages with a little bit of artwork, promotional material for artists about their current projects. I’d like to get one of my own done, something that I can pass on to the other tables and anyone who happens to walk by, advertising this website and getting my readership up. In tandem with the social media campaign, it might be helpful in getting a bigger spotlight on Fifth Ace Comics, and allowing me to implement new things. On the other hand, I’m going to need time to get the zine ready, and that may include April as part of it; if need be, I can always upload the zine pages on the website, since they will be canon with the rest of the Showcase. I’m thinking of it as an origins issue, something that introduces the characters of Apex City, and a brief narrative describing their abilities and where they come from; nothing that can’t be figured out from context, but neat and encapsulated in print form.

Still, got to finish up February’s stuff first; if I need the longer break, I need the longer break, and the only person busting my butt over it is me.

Ciao for now.

Schedule is slipping, but not falling through, so that’s still something.

Yes, granted, there was no Magic Beans this week, but if I’m going to let something slip between the cracks, it could be a lot worse. I never thought my social life would be well-developed enough to the point that I would actually be missing out on “work” in some form; the Showcase pages have been delayed in production, but were still uploaded day-of, and I’ve got a good feeling that I can still keep the schedule on track for the rest of the month. The inverters at the day job are more or less online at this point, so instead of two-hour set intervals of working on my laptop battery, I can now use my laptop while plugged in, albeit in short bursts whenever I get a free moment. I won’t say it’s just as efficient; I’ll make it function as I need to.

Given that there are times when I cannot work on artwork directly, I’ve also been looking at my writing a bit more. Most of my comic scripts are very free-flowing; I prefer using the Marvel Method when it comes to my own work. It’s a lot quicker to plot out a 12 page comic with simple descriptions and thumbnails, and then working out the exact details as the pages are completed. This can sometimes lead to being written into a corner, but that’s less of an issue with shorter stories, and because I’m not collaborating with anyone but myself, there’s no chance of mis-interpretations. That being said, for longer scripts, having a more comprehensive breakdown is a lot more helpful; yes, I am indeed working on a longer script.

So far, through the Fifth Ace Showcase, I’ve been introducing characters and hinting at a larger mythology in my superhero universe, though the short story format doesn’t leave a lot of room for character and/or plot development. That’s because the Showcase is exactly that: a showcase, displaying all the little pieces that are going to be used in a much grander design. Not all the pieces involved in that design are going to appear in the Showcase, and there’s a chance that not all of the ones displayed will last; such is the nature of the beast. The longer script that I’m developing is going to be the official “main” storyline of my universe, intended to be an ongoing series featuring my characters teaming up and taking on the world together. I had the basic outline for the first issue done almost a year ago, and now that the Showcase has had some development, it’s almost time to get the ongoing story started in earnest. Naturally, this is going to take a LOT of work…

I have NO idea when I’m going to find the time for my longer stories, while still maintaining the Showcase and Magic Beans, and also working a day job. The ongoing series might only manifest several months down the line, or more than a year from now, but it is most definitely coming. A large, ongoing, ever-evolving universe of stories has always been the goal of this project, and that’s not something that just happens overnight. These things take time, effort, energy; all things I have in limited supply, and I accept that fact. No matter how long it takes, or what form it eventually takes, this project will continue through stumbles, burnouts, hiatuses and whatever else comes. And I can only hope it will be entertaining.

Ciao for now.

When does relaxation become an obligation?

When does the thing we do for fun, that we use to unwind and put ourselves out of the real world for a while, become something that we are obligated to do, no questions asked? Is it still relaxation at that point? Are we still gleaning fun from it, if it is something that we are forced to do? Does it lessen the experience, or make it any more or less important that it be done?

For the record, I’m not questioning whether or not I’m still having fun with this website and my artwork in general; I’m absolutely still enjoying it and I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. But in a sense, it does relate to what I’m thinking about. I’ve set myself an upload schedule, and I get disappointed when I deviate from it, and sometimes the artwork doesn’t flow the way it should when I need it to. This can very easily sap the joy out of creating, and this craft that I love can seem like a chore. Yet after it all, I’m still here doing it; it remains relevant, because my upload schedule may be disrupted soon due to a bunch of social obligations that are the real focus of this philosophical musing.

As I’ve mentioned before, my primary hobby outside of art is role-playing games; I got into Dungeons and Dragons several years ago, and have since become the de facto Dungeon Master for my friends, and I’ve made many new friends through the hobby. I enjoy the creativity, the collaborative narrative, the improvisational nature of the storytelling; it’s my no-holds-barred creative downtime activity. However, I was slated for no fewer than three evening D&D games from tonight through Sunday, each one different from the last; in tonight’s game, I would get to be a player instead of DM, Friday’s game is a paid gig, and Sunday night is me running for a group of friends. Naturally, this may set my artwork back a touch (I’ll still be uploading; tomorrow’s page is done, though Monday’s might be late), but I don’t mind so much because I enjoy playing the game. That said, the motivation levels for each of those groups is variable.

Sunday is a long-running game that we’ve recently returned to, so I’m happy to be back at it; it’s a fun time, the players are great, etc. I’m getting paid for Friday’s game, so by default I’m obligated to be there, but I’m okay with that, because the vibe is still good. Tonight, on the other hand, where I have the least responsibility, somehow feels the most mandatory of the lot; due to some bizarre rules that were supposedly in place before we started, there are certain people in the group that make it feel like missing the game is a criminal offence. Now, I hate missing out on a session as much as the next person, but the last time we cancelled on this group was due to some very real health concerns, and we didn’t want to progress with half a group; we were still made to feel like the guilty party for backing out. It sparked some rather nasty passive aggressive arguing, and we all agreed to let it go, but it was still enough for me to jump on any excuse to worm my way out of going tonight. I didn’t do so because I’d get more free time (as nice as that would have been), rather because a Shakespeare play of all things, sounded more appealing.

So in comparison, the game that I’m the most obligated to be at feels like the freshest thing on the menu, while the one where I have the least responsibilities feels like the leftover sandwich that’s been in the back of the fridge for several weeks. I guess that means that a hobby only starts to feel like a chore if it is actively treated like one. I may have an update schedule for my artwork, but if it slips, I am the authority that can give myself some slack; I may be paid to run a D&D game, but if I have to cancel, I know that the people involved will understand. It’s when someone else tries to put the yoke on me, someone seemingly less understanding and more entitled, that they cause the thing I would normally enjoy to become a thankless task. It’s probably why day jobs feel so exhausting, and why so many kids hate school; having the power and agency to decide when and how you have fun is what makes it fun in the first place.

Guess this means I should keep a close eye on games in the future; if this Thursday group is still as tense as I suspect it might be, it may be worth cutting that thread completely. There are less toxic ways I could be spending my free time, like say, getting more comics done.

Ciao for now.

The smouldering continues, but the fire is still alive; not burning out this time!

Won’t lie, it took some proper downtime this past weekend, but I was able to avoid burning myself out; I was incapacitated for most of Saturday, spending the morning in bed, while rounding out the day by running D&D, and getting my creative mindset back on track. I felt right in doing so by having the remaining pages of January’s Showcase story completed ahead of time, thus keeping the schedule running at least until after the weekend. 

It feels good to be a page or two ahead; by the time of this being posted, I have finished tomorrow’’s page and next Monday’s one as well. There’s an important birthday this weekend, so I’m going to need Saturday free once more, but no other major social obligations are on the table until next week, so I’ll have plenty of time to get more pages done. Also, luckily for my personal productivity, the inverters that were supposedly installed at the day job continue to be non-functional; unfortunate for the office, incredibly helpful to me in getting stuff done. 

Having that little extra wiggle room allows me to be more experimental in my artwork, trying new things and improving on what I’ve done in the past. Last month, I was focusing primarily on lighting techniques, which I am carrying over into February’s story; even from the first page, I’m already pleased with the subtle improvements that it has brought, adding that little extra depth and pop that wouldn’t be there otherwise. This month, I’m focusing on perspective and panel layout; my figure work has been satisfactory for a long time, now I’m going to get my backgrounds up to snuff. My continued experiments with art programs have yielded some fun results; the perspective ruler tools in Clip Studio have been a joy to work with, and you’ll be seeing the benefits of them from the very next Showcase page.

As far as panel layouts go, I’ve been told in the past that I have a good eye for flow and continuity in my storyboarding, but I have noticed that I tended to stick to the grid format a little too rigidly in the past. I’ve been attempting to loosen up my panels a bit more in recent pages, and now with February’s story, I want to go a little more wild. The setting and imagery is meant to be really trippy and weird, and I’d like the panel flow to reflect that; it’s going to be a fun challenge getting everything to look coherent while still giving it a surreal vibe.

All this to say: I am really excited about my own artwork right now, more than I have been for some time. I’m excited to be trying new things, I’m excited for the stuff I’ll be doing in the March hiatus, and I’m excited for the stories to come afterwards.

Plus, if I can pull far enough ahead, and my social media boost functions the way I hope it will, I may even be ready for the next stage of Fifth Ace Comics; keep a close eye out later this year…

Ciao for now.

Okay, I’m not saying I’m burnt out, but there’s some definite smouldering going on right now…

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to get Fifth Ace Comics work done in between the day job and social obligations; even when I do get a free moment, I’m more likely to just try and take a breather. The day job is picking up as more people come out of the holiday malaise, and with the installation of inverters, soon there will be no more taking advantage of the load shedding hours; I’m having to squeeze in artwork wherever I can while attempting not to overdo things. Despite coming across as fairly simple, the day job can sometimes require a lot of concentration (especially when certain people can’t communicate properly), and during the busier parts of the day it gets pretty stressful.

I do plan on taking a break soon, but to maintain the update schedule, I have to keep going uninterrupted through February; that will bring Issue #3 of the Fifth Ace Showcase to a close, and I’d rather not leave it unfinished. I’m ever so slightly ahead of schedule, but social obligations from here to Sunday might throw that off a bit. The plan is to pull ahead in February, maybe get the last week before March free, and then take a break from the Showcase through March itself. Without the Mon-Wed-Fri update schedule, I’ll be able to recuperate a bit and fiddle around with some other things that I don’t currently have the time for. I did want to get in some Blender practice for the February story, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to refine it to the level I want in time; it would make elements of the story more visually distinct, but it’s no great loss if it doesn’t happen.

However, just because the Showcase will be on hiatus in March, doesn’t mean I’m going to be inactive. Magic Beans and Bottom of the Deck will continue as normal, since they are relatively low effort in comparison, and I’m going to take the extra time to try and boost my social media presence. Odds are that you reading this, are someone that I know personally because I’ve happened to tell you about my website; we don’t get as much traffic around here as you might think, and my social media insights leave a lot to be desired. As such, March is going to be my time to upload some eye-catching stuff all over the socials to try and direct more people here; I have an idea or two about how to go about this.

The big thing with a lot of social media these days is that they don’t like external links; putting a link to a different website in your post is almost guaranteed to have it buried. Unfortunately, that’s what most of my posts consist of, because I don’t want to put the artwork displayed on my website directly onto another platform; it kind of defeats the purpose of having a website, y’know? So with that in mind, I want to start uploading more standalone art pieces that I don’t mind having out there in the wild; I’ve also recently learned about Clip Studio’s time-lapse feature, so posting some short videos showing the drawing process will no doubt do wonders for my Instagram, at the very least.

But before all that happens, I’m going to finish powering through Issue #3, so that there’s no chance of leaving it unfinished for a year like I did with Issue #2. Wish me luck!

Ciao for now.

“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can’t control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.”

That’s from the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, one of the great figures of Stoicism and someone who’s name was often mentioned when I introduced myself, because he’s also one of the most prominent people to have the name. I initially was going to go on a massive rant about opinions and the lack of acknowledgement thereof, but just typing it up was enough to vent the worst of it out, so you’ll be spared the vulgar terminology I used. Instead, maybe we’ll try a few less vitriolic musings on opinions.

I’ve always had trouble expressing my opinions; I often felt that I wasn’t allowed to when I was younger, so when I became an adult and was suddenly expected to express my feelings on things, I wasn’t sure how to do it. To this day, I still get the feeling that my opinion doesn’t matter most of the time, which is why I usually just go with the flow when anything happens. As the quote says, getting worked up over something that you can’t control is pointless, so why bother?

It’s different when you’re asked for an opinion that is implied to actually matter; your choices, your decisions, are going to make a difference that may affect your life. But then it turns out that they don’t; you’re just going to get overruled anyway, and this thing that you could have just glossed over and let happen has now gotten you worked up. That kind of thing can put me in a bad mood very quickly, especially if I’ve been inconvenienced in the process, because being thrown out of my habitual cycle can be jarring, even when I know it’s coming.

I have a great deal of admiration for Stoicism, but I don’t think it’s something I could ever fully embrace; I’m far too much of an emotional person, despite the front I try to put up. I come across as relaxed, carefree, oblivious at times, but underneath is a roiling mass of anxiety and fear of failure. I try not to form opinions about things I can’t control, and to get on with my life, but the truth is that I often care too much, especially about things that don’t really matter. And when things do matter… Well, then I’m just straight up paralyzed, because I don’t know if my opinion is going to be correct, or if anyone will even care, and we’re right back to the beginning again.

I guess what I’m trying to say is: I just want to be right about something, to have the correct opinion, and know that my life will be better for it. Heaven knows I’ve had incorrect opinions before, and I’ve changed my point of view many times to be a better person. But even after all that, it’s still nice when people listen, you know?

All this rambling about being heard and acknowledged, when I’m pretty sure the number of people who will read it is pretty minimal; at least I’m getting out of my system. Back to the creative stuff next week.

Ciao for now.

It’s 2023! Hopefully the first five days have been up to your standards, because I know I’ve already got plenty of stuff to talk about; strap in folks, this is a long one.

The newest Fifth Ace Showcase story began yesterday, featuring the new young hero Sable, though it was not the first thing to be uploaded this year. If anyone has been poking around the site since the calendar rolled over, you might have noticed a few new things around here. Right up there at the top, the main menu bar has been redone for a more streamlined experience; now instead of redundant links to the individual comics, they all have a dedicated landing page with links to the archives and some swanky new cast pages. There’s also an About page for a brief commentary on what this site is all about (I may jazz that up with a profile picture at some point), and a Gallery page with some miscellaneous artworks from the past few years that I’m particularly proud of.

The biggest update came through on Monday, which involved uploading 150 comic pages, plus thumbnails to match, so please look grateful; the entirety of Elements of Eve, all 9 issues, is now readable on this site. The first three issues were some of the first things uploaded here, and I fully intended to include the rest in short order, but I never got around to it. I was going to space them out over time, and somehow that extended into nearly two years; I took the plunge and just threw all of it up over the course of a day, just to get it over with. Feel free to check them out and marvel at what a mess my artwork was like ten years ago; I am still rather pleased with the writing, enough that I may even revisit it someday in the future.

As far as resolutions go, I’ve got all the standard ones lined up: exercise, healthy eating, etc. and boy do I need them, I’ve got holiday weight to shed. Additionally, something I’ve been trying for the last couple of years is a single tarot card draw for the year; I don’t necessarily believe in tarot as a mystical practice, rather as a means of organising the mind and drawing focus to what needs to be done. The draw for this year was the Seven of Cups.

The Seven of Cups represents a world of fantasy and imagination; it cautions against becoming lost in the idea of things, and dwelling on dreams instead of acting. Thus, it falls to me to be decisive, put things down on paper and make choices instead of just going with the flow like I always do. I’ve already made a start by getting my upload schedule back on track, but there was another choice that I made yesterday; it’s a decision I’ve been sitting on for five years, but the opportunity arose yesterday and I jumped on it.

Yes, that is a tattoo, and it is on my arm. I know that tattoos aren’t everyone’s thing, and may even be outrageous to some folks reading this, but rest assured that this is not something I have done lightly. I’ve been contemplating getting a tattoo ever since I left high school, but I held off because I wanted it to be something meaningful; it’s a big commitment, and I wasn’t about to spend money on something I would regret within a few months. It was several years ago that I finally settled on this design, and a lot of thought went into it; going into some heavy stuff in this next bit, so content warning.

The semicolon has long been a symbol for raising awareness about attempted suicide and suicidal thoughts; it represents moments where you could have put a fullstop on your life story, but instead of coming to an end, you came to a pause instead, and continued on. As someone who has battled depression for most of my life, there have been times when I wanted to give up. Thankfully, I’ve had a good support system of friends and family that have kept me grounded when things have gotten bad, and this is where the other part comes in. The icosahedron, or 20-sided Platonic solid, is the primary die used in Dungeons and Dragons; I truly believe that the friendships, creativity and experiences that I have found through role-playing games have saved my life more than once. Thus, this design incorporates some of the biggest aspects of who I am, and I’m proud that I can show it to the world. 

So, with a year ahead that is bound to be filled with choices, I intend to make them decisively and confidently, and now I’ve got a reminder that I’m capable of doing so right there on my skin. Best foot forward for 2023, let’s kick this pig!