It’s been a stop-and-start kind of week; every time I start on something, I have to stop because something else happens. I need a holiday…

You may have noticed the inconsistent nature of Fifth Ace Showcase updates this week; with everything else going on, I haven’t been able to get stuff done on that front. The day job has been wildly oscillating between nothing happening and frantic crunching, and I never know what it’s going to be, so I can’t slip any free time doodling in between like I usually do. Not to mention, the crunching is not triggering the manic side of my creativity at all; it all processes as incredibly tedious and unstimulating, which means I lack any motivation to actually do it. It gets done, because that’s my job, but I take no pleasure or satisfaction in it at all. Pretty sure this is an ADHD thing; I was never officially diagnosed, but I’ve picked up enough clues over the years.

My neck issues haven’t been as much of a hindrance in this regard as you might think. Naturally, I’d be more efficient if I didn’t have to wear the brace; all it really does is slow me down as opposed to preventing me from doing anything. I have to pop a pain pill every now and then, since my neck being held in one spot does get a bit strenuous, though it’s ultimately just something I’m living with at this point. I will say, with the weather as cold as it is, the brace makes for an effective neck-warmer; it’s the one part of my body that doesn’t immediately feel the chill when I step out of the office. Plus, while I can’t sleep comfortably in bed with the brace on, if I need a quick nap in my chair, it’s a surprisingly comfortable pillow substitute.

Even the weekend is going to chew up a bunch of my creation time; I’m running two games of D&D between Friday and Sunday, though I am getting paid for one of them. That’ll leave me with Saturday to work on comic stuff unimpeded, but I’ll likely use most of it just to recover from everything else that’s been happening. So if the current Showcase story doesn’t quite wrap up before the end of the month, don’t be too surprised. Admittedly, it’s not only the Showcase pages that have been on my mind.

I’ve been agonising over getting a cover page done for Fifth Ace Showcase #1 ever since I finished drawing it a couple of years(!) ago, but nothing I’ve come up with ever seemed to fit. I’ve gone through several iterations recently, and I think I’ve nearly cracked it; even if I do, you likely won’t see it on the main site for some time, if at all. Because, once the cover is done, and I’ve found the time to draw the backup Nadir story, it’ll all be displayed in its entirety in downloadable PDF form, most likely on a funding site or somewhere like itch.io. It might even reach printed format someday, though I’ll probably have to launch a Kickstarter to get the kind of money I’d need for the cost.

Once again, it’s all a lot of planning, only so much action; I just don’t have enough hours in the day or energy in my body. I’m prioritising the important stuff first, and that means my health and my family. Everything else, no matter how much I want to get done, is secondary to staying alive and keeping my connection to my loved ones strong. We’ll see what I can fit in between all that by next week.

Ciao for now.

Whoops, a day late again; the day job sprung a buttload of work on me yesterday that I didn’t expect.

Neck update: my neck is a mess. The MRI didn’t reveal any major kind of blockage, so we still don’t know exactly how my nerves are being pinched; as such, I’m stuck with a soft collar brace for the next three weeks to see if I can straighten the situation out with anti-inflammatories. On the other hand, it seems my surgery from 2014 is coming back to bite me in the long term; since the muscle in my neck could not be properly reattached after the surgery, the vertebrae have been compensating for the lack of suspension by twisting in all sorts of fun ways. Long story short, within the next decade or so, I’m likely going to need a spinal fusion when the disks finally wear down to the point of nothing. Ordinarily, it would be something that happens much later in life, but my unique circumstances mean that I’m getting hit with it early. Joy.

I won’t lie, it’s a scary prospect; I’ll have minimal movement in my neck, if any at all, well before I reach retirement age (if such a thing will exist by then). I’ll likely never be able to do regular exercise regimes, so my prospects of getting into shape are becoming more limited. I probably won’t be able to legally drive myself anywhere; I’m sure I’d need special permission to be on the road. If I ever have kids, will I be able to physically keep up with them and do all the things you’re meant to do as a parent? Not to mention it’s likely going to cost a fortune, which is something my starving millennial artist brain cannot wrap itself around right now. 

All this and more was on my mind on Monday, when I received the diagnosis, such as it was. It was a depressing few days while I sorted through my feelings, which weren’t helped by the collar brace making me feel incredibly self-conscious. But now that I’ve had time to process the whole thing, I’ve reached the end of the week feeling better about it; I won’t say “positive” but certainly less afraid.

Despite the brace, I’m still able to live my life in much the same way. I can still take care of myself, I can still type, I can still draw; it’s really not that big of an adjustment. Whether or not it will sort out my pinched nerve, I can’t say yet, but it’s still early days so I can’t leap to any bad conclusions either. And if/when I do have to get my vertebrae fused, if having a permanently stiff neck is anything like wearing the brace, I could do a hell of a lot worse. Ultimately, the alternative to suffering through these situations later in life is a small price to pay for averting a death sentence; if I hadn’t had that surgery in 2014, I would not have lived to be where I am today. I would never have left home; I would never have bought my first self-owned car; I would never have met the love of my life and been part of the most mutually loving relationship I could ever dream of for six years and counting. I wouldn’t have had the opportunity for a future.

I am exceptionally lucky to be alive today, and any hardship I have to endure in light of that is worth it for the experience of living.

Though it also would have been nice to have won that cover art competition… ah well.

Ciao for now.

Busy busy busy, that’s all this week is; I’m grateful for it, it keeps my hands moving and my mind focused.

Shoulder update: it’s not the shoulder. I’m meeting with a neurosurgeon on Monday, as this is apparently more neck/spine related, so hopefully I’ll be able to get a definitive answer to my discomfort; I’ve almost stopped noticing it at this point, but there are still certain positions that I can’t lean into without feeling the pain.

I’ve been deep into my art this week, and not just with the new Showcase story that started yesterday. One of the local comic shops is running a competition until Sunday, with a R1000 voucher up for grabs, and since it’s art related I had to jump on it. The challenge is to draw a cover inspired by Green Arrow #1, which was released a few months ago (I was lucky enough to get a foil edition, signed by artist Sean Izaakse, at ComicCon Cape Town this year!). While I initially took this to mean that we had to redraw the cover in our own style, it turns out that it’s actually a freeform contest, and we have to produce an original work; that was two days worth of drawing down the drain…

Nevertheless, I’ve been plugging away at this thing in every spare moment I could find since Monday, and am proud to show off the end result here:

I’ll be getting this bad boy printed and submitted tomorrow, wish me luck!

Other than that, I’ve been working on staying ahead of schedule with the Showcase this month; while I’m still proud of what I put out during June, a couple of the pages were a little rushed due to my injury, and I want to try and have some pages prepped in advance if anything else sets me back again, God forbid. I might even start plotting out next month’s story early as well; it took me a while to settle on which one I would be including in this issue, and there’s still a lot to write; I literally have a one-line summary at this point. 

The tricky thing with the Showcase is that I have a lot of characters I want to introduce, but many of them hinge on the bigger picture story that I want to dedicate full issues to in the future, and I’m starting to run out of characters that are slated to take the lead in that story. Basically, I’m just about done with introducing the necessary cast members; I may feature a few extra stories with them, but they’re ready to start taking centre stage and get the main plot rolling. In light of this, the Showcase may start to feature a few non sequitur stories by the time we pass the six issue mark; we’ll see what happens.

Anywho, back to the grindstone; I have to get tomorrow’s page done and dusted, and I’m running two separate games of D&D this weekend, which are going to require some prep time. See you all next week for something new.

Ciao for now.

Hi there, not going to stop by for long, got to keep pumping!

Take that how you will.

It’s been a productive week; since I took most of last week off in order to keep from straining my arm, I’ve been using this week to catch up. I managed to upload three days in a row, and I may just make it four by the end of this evening, if I can get the colours done in time for this latest page. This was somewhat helped by the fact that I also took a couple of days off from the day job so that I could visit the doctor; I had to do something with the rest of my time, didn’t I?

I’m still waiting on test results to find out exactly what is wrong with my arm; the doctor I visited says it may be something spinal related as opposed to the shoulder, based on the kind of nerve compression I’m experiencing. I’ve had a couple of x-rays and an MRI, so hopefully they’ll be able to tell me what is going on by tomorrow. In the meantime, because it’s not directly a problem with my arm, I can still draw as much as I want; as long as I keep my back in a favourable position, I can do my stuff without noticing any major discomfort. I’ve even woken up a few mornings thinking that the pinching sorted itself out overnight, but alas, a few minutes of walking and the motions involved make it clear that I’ve still got something going on in there.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had issues regarding nerve compression in my spine, though the last instance was far more severe. Back in 2014, I had a benign growth removed from my spinal column where it had been putting pressure on the nerves between the C3 and C4 vertebrae (that’s about halfway between the base of the skull and shoulders, for those unsure). By the time I went under the knife, I had lost almost all sensation in my left forearm, my grip had significantly weakened, and if I had ignored it any further, I would have been paralyzed within a year. Needless to say, pretty serious, though I emerged on the other side with surprisingly little nerve damage; the surgeon was amazed that I recovered as quickly as I did.

I am confident that whatever is happening this time is far less severe, and given the placement of the nerve compression (around the C6 vertebra), this is not a relapse of the previous condition. I’ll likely just have to take a course of anti-inflammatory meds, a painkiller here and there, and this can sort itself out with a deep tissue massage or something. I’ll know more by next week, and will keep you all appraised of the situation as it develops.

Other than that, not much else to talk about; I’m gonna go eat some pizza, and get the next Showcase page done and dusted. If I don’t get the final page done by tomorrow night (other professional engagements call) then it will definitely be done over the weekend before I launch into the next one on July 5th. Suppose I’d better finalise which story that will be…

Ciao for now.

Look at that, I can type again! Let’s see how long it all lasts.

I’ve been taking it easy for the past week, trying to get my shoulder back into normal working order; for the most part, it’s been going well. The pain is more or less gone, just some occasional stiffness and a bit of tingling in my fingers, but I’m making sure to stretch and massage the spot where I suspect a nerve might have been pinched. If it’s not sorted by next week, I have an appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon lined up for Monday.

In the meantime, I’m doing my best to get back to drawing. I did some quick pinup pics for my Fodderverse friend over on Twitter, just to see if my arm was still functional; good news: it was, so comics should resume tomorrow, or Monday at the latest depending on my workload. I can’t guarantee that this Showcase story will be done before the end of the month, but I’d rather my arm didn’t fall off instead, so we’ll see how that progresses.

I won’t lie, it was a little scary when I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to draw anything this week; I didn’t leap to any conclusions, but because I was doing my best not to aggravate my injury, I found myself temporarily cut off from my go-to creative outlets, and that can be dangerous for someone whose brain never shuts up. It’s situations like those that become breeding grounds for intrusive thoughts and paranoid assumptions, not to mention the guilt; I take time off for my own wellbeing, then feel incredibly guilty that I’m not doing anything productive, whether that be creative stuff or even just housework. Fortunately, I’ve still got those herbal tranquillisers, which have also been instrumental at keeping my anxiety in check at the day job.

The pinup art that I’ve been able to sneak in during my free moments was an even greater help than the medicine. It’s somewhat telling that I get infinitely more personal satisfaction out of seeing one person appreciate the art I do for them, than I do from churning out dozens of impersonal mock ups for faceless clients week after week at the day job. The dopamine just hits differently; knowing that I can make someone happy by producing a quality artwork is the ultimate satisfaction for me as a creative. I think it’s the reason a lot of people get into comics as an industry, because the artistic satisfaction can be coupled with entertaining people. Sadly, it’s a depressing fact that the industry isn’t so kind to the people involved.

A recent trend on social media saw the rise of #ComicsBrokeMe, with a bunch of comic creators, both artists and writers, coming forward with stories of being underpaid and overworked after years of dedication in a medium that they loved. While I’ve been through less than a fraction of the same struggles during my time as a creator (most of these stories come out of working with bigger publishers), I have been stiffed on payment for comic work before, and I think it had a hand in why I held myself back for as long as I did. I’ve long had a problem with giving up prematurely when things have tripped me in the past; this website was dead for over a year, lest we forget, and it’s been an uphill battle to convince myself to keep going in the face of hardship; hardships such as, say, a shoulder injury that put a serious dampener on my creative abilities.

With all that said, I intend to keep on creating, even if it’s never going to bring me fame and fortune, as nice as that would be. I create because I have to; even if I were sitting pretty atop a mountain of gold, I’d still be creating. It’s not a get-rich-quick scheme (heck it’s barely a get-rich-slowly scheme), it’s a fundamental need, and I’m not going to stop; keep an eye out for said creations coming soon.

Ciao for now.

Welcome to a very special weekend edition of Bottom of the Deck; it’s two days late because I’ve had to type it one-handed, and I’m not used to hunting-and-pecking, so my words-per-minute are a bit low.

You may have also noticed that the Showcase updates have been uploading rather late in the day. The reason for that is the frequent breaks I’ve been having to take while drawing; I seem to have done something to my shoulder, and it would be the one of my drawing arm. I’ve had an x-ray done; there’s nothing broken or dislocated, so it’s something muscle or tendon related, possibly with some nerve pinching going on. I’ve got myself in a makeshift sling to keep things from stretching/compressing in the wrong way until I can see a specialist next week.

This might lead to subsequent Showcase pages being a bit sporadic for the rest of the month; I’ll try and make sure the story wraps up before July, but I may take a day or two off so that I don’t put undue stress on my arm. In the meantime, I’ll have to restrict myself to writing if I want to be creative; it’ll still be tricky since I’ll only be using my left hand to type. Maybe I’ll pull out a nice, easygoing solo game that doesn’t require a lot of hand/eye coordination to pass the time at home while I watch the kitties.

That really does sum up everything about my past week; there may or may not be more stuff to talk about next time, but for now, I’m going to take it easy for the rest of the weekend.

Ciao for now.

My character ARC continues, and I forgot my soothing meds at home today, let’s go…

The Fifth Ace Showcase returned this week, and shall continue to update on schedule, provided that there are no major upheavals in the days to follow. This marks the beginning of Issue #4, and I have a feeling that this story, and the ones that follow, will probably make this one of the darker issues I’ve done to date. I’ve hinted at some of the darkness of my little superhero universe in the previous issues, but I think this one may have some potentially unnerving implications for things to come. I don’t intend to make this series a horror show or a dark drama; cynical as I may be in real life, I like to write stories about good overcoming evil and hope existing in the world. Even at my darkest, I always aim for a happy ending, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be some drama along the way, or it wouldn’t be a satisfying payoff, otherwise.

That said, there is most definitely an edgier side to… y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever given my superhero universe its own name. “The Fifth Ace Universe” doesn’t quite roll off the tongue the same way “Marvel Universe” does; I’ll keep brainstorming. But I digress; I’ve mentioned something called “The Nadir” in a few of the Showcase stories so far, and it has yet to be fully explained in-story. While it’ll eventually come up in full at some point, what I can tell you is that The Nadir is a prequel era to the current stories, which are set in “The Zenith” of Apex City. The Nadir takes place approximately 15 years before the current stories, featuring the older superheroes of Apex in their prime, before giving way to the new generation in The Zenith.

It’s my intention to explore the stories of this previous generation in a supplement to the regular stories in the Showcase, done in a nifty greyscale screentone style, but given my lack of free time, it hasn’t come to fruition yet. The plan is to eventually release the various issues of Fifth Ace Showcase as paid digital downloads, or make them available through a crowdfunding site like Patreon, and the Tales from the Nadir would be included as exclusive backup stories as incentives for purchase. As such, until such time that I actually have a crowdfunding site set up, and the free time to draw these tales, they will remain untold for now.

In relation to all this, I wouldn’t mind trying out some darker storytelling in general; while I believe the superhero genre should remain optimistic (despite what some modern writers might have you believe), there are plenty of other genres where a cynical tone can thrive. I was recently reminded of my playthrough of Ironsworn through a convoluted train of reminders that I won’t get into, and that game is almost the definition of bleak. I did have the idea of adopting my playthrough (which you can watch on my YouTube channel, icon is on the right) into an illustrated serial, along the lines of Prince Valiant: more prose, fewer panels, in a more Frazetta-inspired painterly and/or sketchy style. Ironically, that playthrough ended on a rather positive note, but there was a lot of drama throughout that would suit a pulp adventure quite well. One more thing to add to the pile of potential projects…

How about that; I wrote a blog post on my comic website that is actually about the comics for once instead of spending the entire time angsting about my life; just a touch of it here and there to keep things thematic. Hopefully now that I’m getting back into the groove of creating, that’ll start becoming the norm, provided that life doesn’t throw me anything more to angst over.

Ciao for now.

Welcome back to the Anxiety Roller Coaster, or ARC; maybe from now on I’ll just refer to it as my “character ARC.”

As the opening statement implies, things have been all over the place this past week; for every peak, there is a trough, or vice versa. I’ve been taking some herbal tranquilisers (that’s not a euphemism, smartasses; I’m talking about Biral) to keep my anxiety in check, as well as laying off the caffeine and sugar where I can so as not to aggravate it in any way. I’m still trying to get to a therapist, but my work schedule makes it difficult to find the time, so it might still be another week before that goes anywhere. In the meantime, I’m managing myself in any way I can; sometimes that’s visiting friends for a day of board games, or just zoning out on the couch watching YouTube and letting my brain settle down.

The day job continues to frustrate; we’re switching over to a new estimation and workflow system, and the teething problems are very real. In addition, the lack of consistency in the number of jobs we get means that I cannot afford to relax, even when there is no work coming in; at least if I’m busy, I can distract myself well enough. I’m also glad I got my new earphones in; there’s always that one person in the workplace that sings along to the radio, ruining the listening experience for everyone, and has to be drowned out. Also also, ever had a co-worker with an annoying ringtone? I have three. Spotify is my lifesaver.

Kitten update: Sparrow’s neutering surgery went well; he bounced back very quickly, and hasn’t shown any signs of distress. He’s still full of life and energy, though thankfully not quite as hair-pullingly disruptive as he was before; he’s gone from zooming around the flat like a bolt of lightning, to settling for harassing our other cat, Silver. Sparrow obviously just wants to play, but Silver is still very standoffish towards him; she’s a few years older and enjoys the sedentary life, but she can still give Sparrow the smackdown if he needs to be put in check. Hopefully once we move out and have more space, they won’t have to live on top of each other so much. Speaking of which…

The house hunting continues; we’ve got our eye on a couple of places, but as always, it’s out of our hands since we don’t control the money. It is becoming more imperative that we find a place, since Sparrow’s extended stay has not gone unnoticed by our landlord; he has reluctantly allowed Sparrow to stay, provided that we pay an extra fee on top of our rent increase. Fortunately, as we have been model tenants (his words), our landlord has not increased the rent too much, and has said that he will not charge us any penalties for ducking out of our lease early if/when we find a new place, as long as we give him a month’s notice. We were extremely worried that we might have to rehome Sparrow, as we didn’t have much luck with that when we first brought him home, and especially now that we’ve come to consider him part of the family. It was a huge relief to know that we could keep him, but I was definitely fretting for a day or two.

So, as I continue to soundwave back and forth between stress and relief, next week will see the launch of the next Showcase story; whether it’ll be up to the standards I want or not, I don’t want to keep putting it off.

Ciao for now.

You may have noticed last week’s blog is missing; I was informed that it may compromise our agents in the field, so it has been annulled for the sake of national security.

Real talk time: I’ve not been doing so well lately. I’ve been frustrated at the day job, stifled in my living space, stressed out socially, blocked creatively, and just all around exhausted. Individually, these problems would be nothing new, but they’re each building pressure from a different angle, and it’s really starting to get me down. All of this pressure could be released if we could just move to a new home, but there is literally nothing we can do about that except wait for the people who are in control of that situation to actually do something, and good luck to that happening anytime soon; we’ll be lucky if we get to move out before the end of the year at this rate.

I’ll be reiterating all of this to my therapist at some point; I’m currently organising my first therapy session in almost 18 months. Therapy has helped me a lot in the past; I started in 2019, back when my living situation was simultaneously better and yet so much worse than it is now. I won’t say that I’ve backslid to where I was, but I’d rather avoid letting myself go that far down again; I have more responsibilities that I did before, and I can’t afford to slip up now.

Speaking of which, the Fifth Ace Showcase is still on track to resume on the 5th of June, barring any major upheavals, like, say, moving to a new house (I can still dream). I’ve been trying to keep my creativity sharp by doodling in my spare time at work, mostly characters from my Twitter neighbour MakeMineAmalgam and his Fodderverse line of custom action figures. It’s low pressure fanart with no deadline i.e. quick and simple to produce with little to no judgement involved; he likes the fact that I draw his characters, and I enjoy drawing them, so win-win.

Also, kitten update: Sparrow is getting big; I swear he’s twice the size he was when I brought him home, and he’s absolutely full of beans. He’s been keeping us up at night by bolting around the place and trying to climb on everything; the sooner we can get him more space and a decent sized cat-tree to keep him satisfied, the better (again, that new house would be very nice, universe). Since he’s around the right age for it, we’re looking to get Sparrow neutered in the near future; the last thing we need is him tearing up all our stuff in a fit of heat. At this point, we are more or less committed to keeping him, and every foster home we’ve looked into is full anyway, so we’re in this for the long haul.

That’s all for my angst this week, though if any of it gives the great cosmic consciousness a hint that we would really like to move into a new house very very soon, it was worth it.

Ciao for now.

I’m running out of excuses here, aren’t I?

So I’m almost two weeks overdue for new comic pages, and it’s looking like the hiatus will be lasting longer still. I could go on about how the day job is sapping my energy, how our continued hurry-up-and-wait situation when it comes to house hunting is frustrating me, and all the usual reasons I give; I mean, they’re all true, but that’s not the point. Instead, I’m resorting to “dissatisfaction with my art” for a semi-fresh option.

I’ve been agonising over the opening page for this next story; the establishing shots are relatively more ambitious than what I’ve done in the past. I’m shooting for a certain atmosphere and feel, and I’m just not quite getting there. I’ve found some nice downloadable materials and I’ve been looking up relevant references to figure it all out, but it’s still missing the mark. I know that I may not be up to the level I want to be when it comes to art, and I’m never going to get there unless I push myself a little; the trade off is that the artwork itself is delayed.

So, in light of this, the Showcase will return in June, rather than any time this month. That doesn’t mean I won’t still be working on stuff until then; I’m going to use the rest of May to work out the kinks in my art, and maybe even build up a buffer for a change. I hate to delay things so long, but if I try to rush out all the pages before the end of May, not only is the artwork going to suffer for it, but I’m going to just burn out a lot quicker again.

Though I’m never going to be perfectly satisfied with my art, I still want to make sure it’s as good as I can get it; a wise man once said: “You develop taste faster than you develop skill.” I know why I dislike my art, I just don’t necessarily have what it takes to make it better yet; the sooner I can get on that the better, but I’m not going to subject you all to the entire gruelling process. At least, not unless I start streaming again; wouldn’t that be a novelty?

If I can shift the blame anywhere else, it would be the inconsistency of the day job; normally I’d relish any chance to use any spare moment to draw when there’s a slow work day, but that’s not conducive to doing comic work. If I’m working on a sketch or a doodle, that’s no problem, as I can put it away in between work assignments and come back to it later on. Comic pages are a different story; not only does breaking the flow of work disrupt the creative process, I also use Clip Studio Paint for my comic work, and because I can’t install it on multiple machines, I have to use my laptop for that; it doesn’t look good when I pull out my laptop to do my own stuff at my work desk. Starting to miss those two hour load shedding breaks…

I occasionally keep myself sane by doodling on Photoshop on the work PC; keep an eye on my Instagram and Twitter (for as long as that still exists) and you might see my random flashes of inspiration that I manage to squeeze into the spare minutes. 

Okay, enough excuses for this week, I’m going to go try and wrestle some results out of myself, and I’ll hopefully have something better to complain talk about next time.

Ciao for now.